Yesterday was one of the scariest days I've ever endured. It was like I was living a nightmare. I woke up this morning thinking, "Surely yesterday was just a dream?" But the memories started flooding back so quickly that I knew they were all too real.
Wednesday morning was the first time in my life I've ever had a seizure. I pray it's the last time too. I've written as much as I can remember about what happened if you want to read about it.
Click the link to read more.
This is a long post, no doubt. Read what you'd like. I was afraid to write this, tearing up the whole time. But it's actually helped me emotionally recover from this scary day.
8:30am- I was so happy that my hubby let me sleep in. He had taken care of the boys since they had woken up at 6:00am. They were fed, clothed. It was a relief! I remembered that today was the day I have to take the Glucose Tolerance blood test at my preggo appointment so I had better eat something quick! My appointment was only an hour and twenty minutes from now. I snarfed down 1/2 cup of cereal with milk, a piece of turkey and proceeded to get ready for the day. No snag in the plan, I got ready, my mom came to grab lil Jed for the morning (he loves spending time with her) and hubby was going to watch Robbie at home. I left for my appointment and got there right on time.
9:50am- My ob/gyn clinic is in the third floor of the hospital. But for the glucose tolerance test, I had to grab the drink from the lab on the first floor. A kind nurse took me back and asked me which flavor. I've always done great with the glucola drink, and always had the Lemon-Lime flavor- so I chose that one. "If it works, why change?"- I thought. I downed it really quick and headed to the third floor to check in for my appointment. The elevator felt weird. Once I reached the third floor I couldn't remember which direction the clinic was. I read the directions on the wall that pointed where to go and marched to the clinic doors. I reached the sign-in window and started to sign my name, then it hit me. I blurted out "I think I'm going to pass out." The receptionist kindly said "please take a seat." So I sat. Then a nurse hurried out to get me and walked with me to an empty room where I could lay down. She asked me questions. I couldn't answer without slurring my speech. She brought me some water. Within minutes the room became stable again and I felt as good as I had when I walked in the hospital. "Phew that was close" I thought. The nurse was pleased I felt better and decided to leave me until it was my turn to get seen by the doctor. "I'll leave the door cracked, don't hesitate to call for help if you need something."- she said, heading out. She shut the door. She must have forgot?
10:30am- I was fine. Laying on my left side, still waiting for doctor to come see me. The lights were off, but light flooded in the window enough to where I could look around the room and read informational posters about genetic testing, birth control, and different types of cancers. I scanned over all of them, then my eyes reverted back to the biggest one on the cabinet. I stared at it, it started moving. I lifted my head up, stared harder, it stopped moving. "That's weird, I must be tired." I layed my head back down and had the impression: "Call for help." I didn't at first because I didn't know why I should, I felt fine. Then the impression came stronger: "CALL FOR HELP!" I thought I had better listen that time, so I squeaked: "Help?" No one came. But something else did. As if it was falling on top of me like a heavy weight, I could feel myself sinking into something farther and farther. Nothing I could do or think could stop it. I started to panic and was screaming "Help! Help! Help" Arms were moving uncontrollably. Head was tossing side to side. Between screams my tongue was sticking out in all directions. I kept trying to arch my back. My fingers and toes wouldn't stop curling. Every joint in my body felt like it had to twist. 1, then 2, then 4 nurses were trying to hold me down, calm me down. Poor things, we were all trying to figure out what was going on. Everytime I would open and close my eyes, I saw a new face swarming around me trying to think what to do. I blinked, then my doctor appeared and started asking me questions: "Are you in pain? Have you ever had a panic attack? Were you stressed this morning? Breathe! Get her an oxygen mask" I could only scream my answers: "No" I kept thinking "what is happening to me!?" Within seconds it hit him and he said out loud: "She is having a seizure, get her down to the ER." He left the room and more nurses came to take his place. I couldn't look anyone in the eye, but I knew and could feel the presence of everyone in that room. The nurses were freaking out because the stretcher wouldn't fit in the elevator so they put me in a wheel chair. How they managed to do that, I don't know because my movements were so involuntary I could barely contain myself. I kept hearing: "Put your arms on your chest" "Breathe" On the wheelchair ride through the clinic I kept freaking out because I didn't want to see anyone, and I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I kept screaming "No People! No People!" They took me out a back door into the hallway that led to the elevator and I remember the nurses yelling at people to take a different elevator as they hurried to shut the doors. I was so hyper-aware of so many things. But it was so confusing to me how I could be so aware of my surroundings but be in no control of myself. As we entered the Emergency Room, I realized "How am I going to take care of my kids if I'm in the hospital recovering from this?" I was still seizing, and I didn't know how long I would be. I immediately screamed "My kids!" and started to try and get out of the wheelchair. Obviously no success, a bunch of male nurses and doctors got me in a bed in a private room. The nurses from the clinic were still with me and kept trying to calm me, telling me they would call my husband. I calmed down and said "My husband is so sweet. He loves me" That's what I meant to say anyway, it probably came out as "my. husband. is. sweet. He. lovvvvves. me. me. me." The nurses relayed the situation to the current ER nurses and doctor and they took over.
11:15am I'm still seizing. The nurses were deliberating what they could give me to stop seizing. I knew what they were whispering about so I pointed to my belly and said: "BABY!!" I wanted to make sure they weren't going to give me anything that would harm Harper. Their biggest lead was an allergic reaction to the Glucola drink so they pushed Benadryl through my arm. They must have skills because my arm couldn't stay still for anything. Within minutes I was in more control of myself. Everyone sighed in relief and the nurses one by one left the room.
11:30am The only remaining nurse was the nurse in charge of my room at that shift. She started to question me. I really didn't like this nurse! She kept trying to get me to admit to taking psychotic drugs "That's the only reason you should be acting this way. Either that, or you're just making this up." I was infuriated that she would blame this all on me. I was so confused as it was. She obviously didn't get the memo that it was probably an allergic reaction Glucola. "Why would I pretend this?" Then she said: "I don't know. I don't know you. You say you only took the Glucola this morning. Glucola doesn't do this to people." She was making me mad, making it harder to control myself, I started seizing even more. She said "See, you're doing this to yourself. Just keep yourself calm and you can stop." Luckily at that moment, my hubby Jed arrived and she stopped talking to me. Jed was holding our son Robbie, and he looked at me "Mom?" At that moment I turned and tried to cover my face from him because I couldn't stand the confusion in his voice. My hubby was really confused too, he didn't know why he was called into the ER, but I certainly don't think he expected to see me seizing. He called my mom and asked her to get Robbie, she already had lil Jed. The nurse relayed to Jed what had happened. The doctor also came and stood at the door and asked how I was doing and the nurse said: "She's fine, she's just really anxious."
3:00pm I was ten times better, but still had little control of my left arm and tongue. The neurologist, ob/gyn, and ER doctor were deliberating whether to keep me overnight. But since my lab work came back normal- they were stumped and couldn't think of any other tests to do. They were left with the conclusion that the seizure was linked to just the Glucola test. The neurologist said for me not to hesitate to set up an appointment with him if I wasn't gaining more control of my body. Laying down I felt fine, so they left. I sat up to get in the wheelchair and started seizing more. Learning how to keep my body still while sitting up was a whole new challenge! I could barely walk, swallow, or keep my eyes open- but I was released from the ER. You could tell the nurse that was in charge of wheeling me out was confused why I was allowed to leave. I was kind of too. Hubby drove me home. I rested, ate, and cried. Doing normal things were so hard. I thought "how am I going to do any normal task ever again?"
8:30pm I finally felt free. I could move around without feeling I had no control. My tongue stuck out only every 10 minutes or so, and other involuntary movements were finally disappearing. I was ready to go to bed and wake up for a new day.
I woke up this morning thinking, "Surely yesterday was just a dream?"
But the memories started flooding back so quickly that I knew they were
all too real. I tried to sit up as quickly as I could last night, but I felt like I was moving 2 mph. I felt like I had been hit by a train. The day has progressed slowly with a lot of pain (my body is sore from all that involuntary movement no doubt), but I couldn't be more grateful that the whole experience is yesterday, and not today.
There is no guarantee that I will never have a seizure again. But I know for sure two things: I am never taking another glucose tolerance test for as long as I live, and I NEVER want to experience yesterday again.