17.5.13

post Mother's Day praises


I used to think (and sometimes do) that I can do anything that I put my mind to. My parents told me that all throughout my childhood. And I've done a lot of things I'm proud of because of that.  I love learning how to do a lot of different things. Crochet, web design, playing the viola, photography, drawing, etc. I used to think I was good at anything if I wanted to be.


But lately l've been feeling kinda down. Like I can't do anything. Not right at least. Harper has stopped sleeping through the night as well these past few months, and I can't sleep when she actually does sleep.  My body and mind are running on fumes it feels like. I'm tiring out! Literally. I feel like the beat up pick-up that used to sit in our Mississippi driveway when I was a little girl. Rusted, different color paints, sitting still.

But, I'm ready to live again! I want to get back to that feeling that I'm super-woman and can accomplish anything! I want to dance, eat yummy food, and take long bubble baths. Hike mountains, take walks, paint pictures, and perform for an audience again.  But without sleep, all of this seems impossible.  It's amazing to me that getting less than 3 hours of sleep at a time can transform you from vibrant to dull in just a matter of days.

But with all of this out there on the table: I'm happy to sacrifice for my children and I know how important it is. I realize now how much I've given up to raise our three children:  Sleep, my body image, hobbies, and some days my sanity. But if one day my children want to raise children too, I pray they'll sacrifice for their family.

This situation reminds me of the scripture Matthew 16:25. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Is it wrong for me to admit that somedays I feel as if I'm losing my life? That who I used to be is fading, and who I am becoming is someone I don't recognize?

I know that one day Harper will sleep again. And I'll look back at these days and think: "man, those were some long days and nights, and I felt nearly lifeless- but I'm so glad I kept moving forward, because look at Harper now. Grown, able to care for herself, happy, and vibrant. Her happy life is giving back to me what I temporarily gave up for her sake."

And oh wow. My mom did this for me?  Praises!

Thank you to all my family, friends, and clients who have been patient and helping me so graciously through this time in my life. 







1 comment:

Liana said...

Isn't it seriously amazing how important sleep is to our body and mind? I hate it actually, I wish we could all be super human and go without sleep, but we can't. So I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing in my eyes, always have been since I met you. I too feel as if I've become someone I don't really recognize after the beatings of life, but I'm learning to keep breathing, try to get rest when you can, and take each day one small step and one minute at a time. Just try to keep moving forward! Love you ol' neighbor! ;)